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Benjamin Zulu: “Only narcissists and sociopaths demand for a return of gifts after breakup”

In Summary

  • His comments come in the week of a bitter court fight between a former county first lady and her lover.
  • ‘Self-respecting’ people should not invest in fights, Benjamin Zulu says.

Relationships expert Benjamin Zulu says it is wrong for an ex-partner to demand for gifts accorded in the course of a relationship.

Speaking in an apparent reference to an ongoing court feud between a pouty-lipped former county first lady and her loquacious husband (whom we cannot name for legal reasons), Zulu says:

“Only narcissists and sociopaths will demand a return of the gifts they gave you after breakup.”

The couple, prior to their public break-up last September, were the envy of many. Youthful and often arm in arm, they were the poster child of marital bliss. But after going their separate ways, mudslinging and demands for return of gifts and property began. There was a car (Toyota Harrier), and shareholding in a KSh100-plus million posh hotel.

“Healthy people give what they give out of a good heart and if the relationship doesn’t work they go away quietly and without circus,” says Zulu.

Benjamin Zulu’s Advice

The Counselling Psychologist says that self-respecting people do not invest more energy in fights or demands for return of the gifts after the death of a relationship. “They have integrity to protect and a life to build. They cannot waste another day on fights and squabbles.”

Benjamin Zulu on gifts
Want back that too? Non-sappy gifts are sure to melt your lover’s heart. But when you break-up, please don’t demand them back. Have some self-respect, says Counselling Psychologist Benjamin Zulu. PHOTO/FILE

Observers say the washing of dirty linen in public between the county chief and his erstwhile lover may negatively impact on his political career. Though he has expressed interest in the country’s top job, he may not have the energy or wherewithal to battle in courts and concurrently run a successful campaign.

However, Zulu clarifies that his advice applies to gifts exchanged because people are in love “not any properties they owned jointly or any asset belonging to them but in the possession of the ex-lover like cars or houses.”

Be Cautious

He advices lovers unsure about their partners “to avoid long and drawn out relationships because that’s where financial entanglements happen.”

Gifts are a window into a would-be lover’s real intentions, Zulu adds. “If someone gives you gifts that are too much too soon they could be trying to rush you to commit or to blind you to the bad deal you’re getting into. Always control the pace because your life is at stake. Ask for more time and politely turn down gifts you’re uncomfortable with.”


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